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12月18日 On Getting SoftAs a civilian, I was soft. I was cookie dough. Waking up on little to no sleep was a beast, going to the gym and running 2 miles was miserable, and not having a Mountain Dew for 24 hours was agony.
But training makes you hard. Training makes you a big fucking grizzly bear. You come out of AIT, having so embraced sleep deprivation and the stale MRE chow that you don't know anything else.
You train for SFAS by running 20-40 miles a week, hitting the gym for an extra hour while the rest of post sleeps, and embarking on 20-mile ruckmarches on the weekends.
You're chiseled, lean, toned, and tough. You're a big fucking grizzly bear.
But then the commodities take hold. You start to taste the nectur of Playstation 2 again. You start to relax in a break in your Masters Degree courses. You start to enjoy the flavor of Taco Bell.
Slowly but surely, you become soft. And you hate yourself for it.
You want nothing more but to get to the gym at 4am and run 5 miles on the treadmill. But you've lost your edge. You aren't being pushed, and you don't have a goal to push yourself towards. And at 4am, a bed is so warm and comfortable, while December Korea is so frigid and harsh.
A week of sleeping in until 5am turns into two, and then three. And suddenly you look around and realize you're slowly losing that alert, toned edge of your physical endurance and mental drive. All the booze and video games and DVDs and have replaced the bottled water and ruckmarches and late nights in the office going the extra mile.
Excuses start to be made. "It's a holiday weekend, I'll hit the gym Monday morning". "I'll cut the Christmas cookies out of my diet after the holiday". "I'll harden my feet again on roadmarches once they salt the ice on the roads".
Being a big fucking grizzly bear is more than a part-time objective, and once you let the toys and luxuries start stealing you're time, it's a downward spiral. And while you're still tougher than any civilian, you're not that big fucking grizzly bear - each day more lean than the previous - that you were.
But with Officer Candidate School and a marathon on the horizon, I have to once again find that drive to get back in the saddle. Excuses of knee rehab and frigid weather and the holiday season need to be banished, and the big fucking grizzly bear embraced.
I'll get there again. But not until tommorrow, I'm going to watch a DVD tonight... 评论 (1)
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